Saturday, February 20, 2016

#SOL16: Now I Wait

Some Pray Without Speaking (M.A. Reilly, LBI, 2010)

6 months to the day, Rob was diagnosed with lung cancer. Now I wait.

Family and friends have gone home or are here asleep in other rooms.  I am sitting next to Rob in the downstairs of our home.  This morning Rob was largely unresponsive.  After giving him water and talking with him he roused slightly. When the Hospice health aid came to clean Rob, she and I worked together to move him and to wash his beautiful and too scarred body. We changed the sheets and for the first time in ages he is wearing a plain white t-shirt instead of a hospital gown and he looks like my Rob.

But my Rob has suffered so much and the cancer is throughout his body and now it is time for that body to die--for this man to find peace.  About 2 p.m. Rob rallied a bit, became lucid, and said good bye to us. I whispered to him.  I told him it was okay for him to leave Devon and me. He gestured to his lips and I have never known the intimacy of a kiss like the one we shared.

"I'll read the signs you leave behind and find you in some parallel universe where cancer does not exist. I love you, Rob Cohen, so much. I'll love you forever." 


15 comments:

  1. I am so sorry and yet grateful that you have him home. Peace be in this house.

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    1. Having him home, away from hospitals is such a gift We are deeply grateful.

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  2. I am so sorry and yet grateful that you have him home. Peace be in this house.

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  3. You, Rob and your son are held in a circle of love, intimate and known only to you; but there is a wider circle of love from family, friends and those virtual friends who are honoured that you have shared this private and terrible time with them through your beautiful words and images.

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  4. My heart breaks and, yet, is filled with love with your words. Love prevails. Sending love and care.

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    1. Love does prevail and I think of the legacy we leave Devon. Imperfect love.

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  5. Sending love to embrace you as you go on this unwanted journey

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  6. Can't express how much I'm feeling for you, Rob and Devon right now. Thank you so much for sharing what you're going through. Has helped me deal with the loss of my mother.

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    1. I'm glad it has helped. I do it mostly for me though, so it is good to know it extends beyond my needs.

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  7. Peace, love and words to make sense of it. Thinking of you

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