Tuesday, April 12, 2016

#SOL16: Driving Permit



Devon getting ready to drive...

Dear Rob,


Today was so bittersweet. I finally took our son to take his driving permit test--the test you had planned to take him to last August before you became ill.  We arrived before the agency opened only to have to return home because I forgot the 6-points of identification. My mind these days is a bit vacant. When we returned to the motor vehicle agency, we waited on several lines for a couple of hours and finally Devon was issued a permit and was then ready to take the written test. I know how proud you would have been of him. He passed the test, had his permit stamped, and on the way home I found a large abandoned parking lot for him to practice driving. I held my breath a lot and only once had to yell, "Break!" No worries the concrete wall was at least 5 inches away (I kid you not). I so tried to channel your calmness as I sat in the passenger seat.

So you know, I don't hide how I am feeling from Devon. To say we have been devastated by your death is to understate the obvious. Today though, I did.  Although Devon mentioned you and how the day brought up your absence, I checked my tears as I didn't want to mar the excitement he was showing. Our son deserves a few light hours and days given the last 7 months. After dinner tonight (homemade tacos to celebrate), Devon practiced driving some more and he seemed to be picking up the feel of the steering wheel and breaking a bit more smoothly.  I know you would be glad that both of Devon's uncles reached out to congratulate him on his permit. So many people have stepped in trying to fill the holes your passing has left.

Tomorrow, I'll contact a driving school. Tonight, I'll cry a bit for all you are missing and for the holes that just can't be filled.

I love you,
Mary Ann


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