#SOL15: The Shock That Clears Out the Crap

M.A. Reilly, 2013

I usually have so much to say here--this blog I've kept for the last five years. Yet, now this evening words are hard to gather, harder still to share. My husband has been diagnosed with cancer. I did not see this coming and so the call that woke us this morning seems to mark time and oddly stop it.

There is only the now.

And so the hurry and wait at the hospital and the tests already underway highlight the uncertainty that hangs on us. We take the steps necessary and the next week will reveal more of what we must know, what choices will be made.

I watched earlier as Rob joked with the hospital staff and then reassured me, our son. He's a fighter.

This shock clears out the crap that clutters my life revealing what matters most. And perhaps that is the one gift in all this. What matters most is so clear.

He told me earlier that he wants to write the novel he began years back. Reading the drafts years earlier when we first met still remain with me. It's an epic story. I want to see that novel finished too--or another of his making. More than that, I want him to be well. I have plans for us.

I've cleared the calendar and am scared beyond words.