Trying to Find Home (M.A. Reilly, 2012) |
Each new step is hesitant as if I had somehow forgotten how to walk. Now that Rob's responsibilities are mine, I find myself waiting, delaying--as if paralysis were setting in. So, I'm making a To Do list--something I watched Rob do each day for decades. He was forever adding to and scratching out lists in whatever Moleskin journal he was using at the time. After he died, I found in his office nearly 50 journals he had written in. Poetry and essay mostly but interspersed in each of those journals were lists.
So here's mine:
- Call the plumber to bleed the lines. Soon we will need heat.
- Find a reputable person to service the generator.
- Have someone fix the siding that is warping at the top of the house.
- Have the chimney cleaned.
- Clean out the attic.
- Pack up the books for Val.
- Pay bills.
- Wash the windows.
- Replace batteries on the smoke detectors.
- Replace the fir tree next to the front stoop that died two weeks after Rob.
- Add salt to the water softener.
- Sweep the garage.
- Breakdown the boxes for recycling.
- Call the Vets to pick up more bags of clothes.
- Clear the chrome books and donate.
- Clear Rob's computer and do something with it.
- Buy more salt.
- Pay more bills.
- Empty the vacuum.
- Clean the gutters.
- Carve a pumpkin.
- Shred some of the saved financial records.
- Take down the umbrellas and store the chairs under the deck.
- Move the potted plants under the deck.
- Paint the first floor of the house.
- Bring the herbs inside before the first frost.
- Call about the window installation.
- Winterize the outside water lines.
- Remember in May to have the sceptic pumped.
- Pay more bills.
- Fill bird feeders for winter.
- Replace the cover for the baseboard heat in the bathroom.
- Take Devon for his driving test.
- Learn how to start the snow blower (Dev and I never could get it started last year).
- Rake leaves.
- Fill the propane tank.
- Place the winter shovels by the garage.
- Cut back shrubs.
- Do something with Rob's office.
- Have the wooden ramp taken down--the ramp Rob never go to use.
- Rest.
All in one day? I'm exhausted just reading through.
ReplyDeleteNo not in a single day. it took me several months just to write the list. who knows how long it will be as I work through it.
DeleteI hope that by writing the list and sharing with others, it feels a bit less burdensome. I was so glad to see "rest" at the bottom - I'm thinking you might want to add that in between each of the others. Also, take your time with the things that are not so pressing. I feel for you. Running a household alone is no small thing.
ReplyDeleteI think you're right. Rest every 5th item.
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